To all moms out there, if we’re being honest, as much as we love our kids, they drive us crazy some times. Even the most well-behaved kids have their moments. After all, they are still kids. But our responses as parents help mold and shape our kids lives, so responding appropriately is key. Learn how to keep your cool and discipline appropriately to maintain your healthy, happy home.
It’s Easy To Go Insane
Regardless of whether you’re a stay-at-home mom or work full-time, you’re a busy gal. You juggle more than one priority during the day and getting your kids to go along with your schedule can be challenging. It’s very easy for moms to feel like they’re going insane or just want to rip their hair out because they had to tell their one-year-old to stop playing in the toilet for the 17th time!
If you’re a stay-at-home mom, you can easily feel anxious by being in the same environment all day. If you’re cooped up inside just being Mommy, with an endless cycle of diaper changing, spit up and cleaning peanut butter out of hair, your frustration level can peak sooner than it normally would, and it’s important to recognize that.
You have tons of things to do, and not enough time to do it in. Whether it’s diaper changes, making dinner, cleaning the house, and paying the bills, or getting up at the crack of dawn, making breakfast, packing lunches, taking the kids to the babysitters, and rushing to work, life is hectic! These schedules can leave you feeling overworked, overwhelmed and just over it.
How To Cope
Follow these steps to cope with your frustration and keep your cool, especially in front of your kids.
Count to “10”
You’ve probably heard of this one before. When you get frustrated, count to “10” and then respond. The point is to give yourself a second to think about your response before you make one. There have been so many times that my son has done something and I react instinctually. If I don’t consider my response before I make one, I almost always second guess whether I was too harsh or handled the situation appropriately. Make sure you are calm before you respond and don’t just react immediately to the situation.
Another tip here is to think about your responses ahead of time, or even categorize activities they are not allowed to do with different responses. For example, if your child touches something they aren’t allowed to, whether it’s the remote, or the toilet, maybe you would calmly tell them no the first time and if they do it again, you give them a time out. Consistency is key. That way, when you are in the heat of the moment, you have a consistent plan of how to handle a situation and don’t have to stress yourself even more with trying to figure it out in the moment.
Keep in mind that sometimes you just have to walk away. If you find yourself getting too frustrated with a situation, put your kids in a safe place and walk away. Some days I am just too tired and get frustrated easier than others and I will put my one son in his bassinet and my other son in his crib or pack-n-play with some toys or books and just leave them there for a second while I take a shower or something to refresh myself and calm down. Learning when to walk away is important for both your sanity and your relationship.
Be Consistent With Rules
As I said, consistency is key. Does it mean that if you’re consistent, your child will learn to listen to you every single time? No, but it helps them learn that certain actions have certain consequences, and teaches them to change their behavior themselves.
I have trouble with this one because we have a rule that our one-year-old is not allowed to climb on our kitchen chairs. The reasoning behind it is because he has recently started climbing on everything and has fallen off of the chairs a few times and gotten a fat lip or bumped his head. Plus, when he climbs on the chairs, it gives him access to the table or desk and tons of other things he is not allowed to have. He knows that he is not allowed, but does that keep him from doing it? Not always. He loves to explore and he’s curious. He sees us sit in the chairs and wants to be a big boy. Logically, he will have to learn how to sit in a chair one day so I have trouble staying consistent with this one.
But if you’re not consistent with your rules, your children don’t know what to expect. If they get yelled at one time they do something and aren’t the next, they start to get confused about whether or not they are allowed to do it and your discipline loses it’s effect.
Some kids also start to think that if I can get away with climbing on the chairs some of the time without getting yelled at, maybe I can do other things I’m not allowed to do and get away with it without being yelled at every time. And those little stinkers will take advantage of it if you let them!
Identify the Reason Your Kids Are Acting Out
This is a really important thing to consider, especially when you’re counting to 10 and trying to be calm about the situation. In my experience, most kids are good kids and when they act out or do things they aren’t supposed to, there is usually a reason behind it.
The number one reason: THEY WANT ATTENTION!!! This is huge! Kids need your time and attention and regardless of what form that comes in, they may act out until they get it.
For example, I work from home and my one-year-old loves interaction, especially after he eats breakfast and at night before bed. If I don’t give him attention, especially at those times, he starts to do everything he’s not allowed to do. It’s like a mental list he keeps of activities he knows will get a reaction out of me, and he goes from one to the next until I give up on whatever I was doing and play with him.
He also does this when he’s tired, which is another common reason for kids to act out. I know for about 15 minutes before he takes his nap, he is going to be whiny and throw his food or rub it through his hair…all of the things that will make me more work later.
The sooner you can identify why they’re acting out, it not only gives you a little relief by “solving the riddle” but it also helps you prevent the behavior in the future.
Get Involved With Your Kids and Involve Them In What You’re Doing
If your kids are acting out because they want your attention, the easiest way to maintain your sanity is to get involved. Get down on the floor, play with them, read to them or do whatever it is they want you to do. Give them the attention they want and often times, if you focus on them for a while, their need for interaction and attention will be fulfilled and then they will allow you some time to yourself…eventually.
I find this a lot when I am trying to get some work done at home and my son is hanging on me trying to get me to pick him up. As soon as I chase him around or read to him or whatever he wants to do, he’s ok to play by himself and I can finally get some work done.
I also find that I get really stressed out if I keep trying to work while he tries to get my attention, but the second I get involved with him and focus on him, I feel more fulfilled as a parent and appreciate all the noises he’s making and activities he’s accomplishing instead of being frustrated by them because they’re distracting.
Getting kids involved in what you’re doing can be a great way to interact with them while still getting some of your tasks completed. For example, my son gets jealous sometimes when I have to give attention to his little brother and he’s not involved. So if I have to change his diaper or clothes, I’ll let my one-year-old pick out a shirt or get me his diaper, and then I praise him for helping. Not only did it distract him from whatever he was doing to get my attention, but it made him feel included and helpful and he beams with joy at the praise I give him.
Have An Outlet
This is something I have come to learn is crucial, especially if you’re a stay-at-home mom. If you work, you get out of the house and get a break from being mommy. If you don’t, or if you work from home, as much as you love it, you can still get frustrated. Having an outlet can help you de-stress and keep your cool.
Working out, hobbies, and creative activities are great to get your focus on something else and feel like you’re getting to do something you want to do; something for you. When you give and give and give, as most moms do, you need to have something that makes you feel like you’re getting something back.
Reach Out To Others
This can be part of having an outlet, but it’s a good idea to reach out to other moms and have a network of support. It’s really important to have people you can turn to for help when you need it. Sometimes when you’re so frustrated you could scream, calling someone to talk about it may be just what you need to process the situation and work through it.
I do this a lot with my mom. Bless her heart, she’s always there when I need her. I remember one morning in particular, my one-year-old had just finished his breakfast and I decided to give both him and my one-month-old son a bath. He had peanut butter toast for breakfast and had it all over him and through his hair. I bathed him, dressed him, and put him down to play while I bathed my other son. As soon as I had my younger son covered in soap, I heard the clink of a glass in the kitchen. I couldn’t remember leaving a glass in his reach but in fear of him shattering something and cutting himself, I grabbed my soap-covered boy and ran to the kitchen. I found my one-year-old had climbed up on one of the kitchen chairs and knocked my coffee cup over, covering himself, the table, the chair and the floor with coffee. (Thank goodness it was sitting out for awhile and it was cold!) He was happily sitting in the chair splashing in the coffee. After stripping him down for another bath and rinsing my other son off and getting them both dressed and cleaning up the kitchen, my frustration level had peaked. I texted my mom the whole story and she showed up 10 minutes later with coffee and chocolate. Just talking to her helped and the rest of the day went smoothly.
The point is, have other people you can reach out to when your world goes upside down. It doesn’t have to be someone who is going to drop everything and rush to the rescue. Like I said before, just talking to someone can help ease your tension. The important thing is to know when to reach out and ask for help.
Let’s Review
Life is crazy and hectic and stressful and sometimes it gets the better of you. Learn how to cope with stress when it comes to your kids by:
- Counting to 10
- Being consistent with rules
- Identifying the reason your kids are acting out
- Getting involved with your kids and Involving them in what you’re doing
- Having an outlet
- Reaching out to others
For other tips on how to feel accomplished and get work done with kids at home, check out How To: Get Stuff Done When Your Home With Kids.